{Try, try again}

Ugh. This past week has been full of crappy eating. Complete and utter crap. I let my PMS cravings get the better of me.

It's going to stop. Now.
No more eating crap.
More working out.

I got this.

{Lonely}

The article Are you Secretly Lonely? is what initiated this post.

Primarily because I had a "friend" ask me a few months ago, 

"Don't you ever get lonely from being alone so much?"

I am not secretly lonely.

I'm not in the least bit lonely.

I love my life.

My "friend" is one of  those people who can't be alone.

He is one of those secretly lonely people.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was going through a divorce at the time.

His divorce has been final for a little bit now.

At the time his question hurt.

A lot.

Was I lonely?

Well, I was at that moment.

How was I with a "friend" and still feeling lonely?

It's very noticeable when people are with you but not really.

This was him at the moment.

I do not like being around people like this and have started backing off these type of relationships.

Those people do not make me happy and they do make me feel lonely.

I can honestly say though that is the only time I ever feel lonely.

Otherwise?

Otherwise...

I enjoy my own company

I enjoy the quiet

I enjoy the peace

I have fun by myself

I am independent

I am not afraid to be on my own

I am not afraid to do things on my own

I have a great life

Do I want someone to share this life with?

Absolutely.

Am I desperate to find this person?

No.

Can I live with myself if I don't find this person?

You betcha.

{Online Dating}

I've decided to give online dating another try. I'd thought after my breakup that I wouldn't go there again but let's face it: I go to work and to the gym. Those are not necessarily two places I want to meet someone at.

The breakup guy was from Match.com. Our first meet was at a coffee shop and we ended up talking for FOUR hours. The first 2 months of meeting online and dating were great. Once we had the "exclusive" talk is where things seemed to change for him.  He suddenly realized he's depressed about work, his roommate situation, and just feels broken. That's okay though. It is best it ended.

So, then I joined OkCupid. Within the first few days of joining I had a date setup and the potential for another. The first date we went to Renegade Brewery. He looked like his profile picture and everything! He was a gentleman the entire night and the content of the date was fun. He just ended up being odd.

So after Renegade Brewery we decided to go to Black Sky Brewery. Here is where his oddness decided to show through. He told me he liked body odor because the pheromones is what attracts people to each other. I said but body odor has such a negative connotation to it. I said I really dislike when I end up on a cardio machine next to someone and their body odor is overwhelming. He says, "That's just because you're not attracted to them." No, it's because they smell. He also told me here that he believed Jesus and his disciples were just a bunch of problem solvers. The brewery was playing heavy metal music and he got legitimately upset that people were sitting down. Um. Well. They're eating. 

After this second brewery we crashed two art gallery private parties. That was interesting. One was at this woman's home. Luckily she was nice.

Then we headed to this hole-in-the-wall bar which ended up being awesome. The bartender was this older man and his son. The owner and his wife had made food for the patrons and, for a donation of whatever, could make yourself a plate. So, the owner (the older man) asks me what I'll have. The date looks at me and says, "You wanted water, right? Just water? She'll have water; she's driving." Ha He cut me off! I'd only had 2 beers: one at Renegade and one at Black Sky. Fine. Then he wants to dance to the 3 person band playing. I'm completely sober but it was fine. He gets legitimately upset at people here also because they're not dancing. "These people should show the band they appreciate them! They're going to die early and we're going to live forever!" He was quite upset. Almost embarrassingly so. He also had me take a picture of him pretending to wash his hands in the urinal. I find out at some point also that he prefers cocaine to pot because pots a downer. Ooookay.

So, there's that date. That was an exhausting night for me. He was very intense and pushy. Pushy as in pushing for me to respond to him right. Away.

The other guy kept sending me selfies of himself. Clothed ones, thankfully. He just seemed odd through text and I held the other guys oddness against him I suppose.

What I know: people at work are weird. People online are weird. Can I just not meet someone who's weirdness matches mine? I'm tired of meeting the "I don't know what I want" boys. Really, I've found that translates to "I just want sex".

Dating. It's for the birds. All of my married guy friends at work say they are glad they don't have to deal with dating any longer. Thanks man. Helps me out.

Finding crazy people make me realize I am happy. Happy with myself. Happy with my life. Happy with the way things are right now. I am not lonely... which leads into tomorrows post!

Have a great day people!

{Break-ups}

Aren't break-ups the worst?

I mean, you know it's better this way.

You know things will work out better in the end.

Yet, it doesn't make it any easier.

It makes you have tiny self-doubts.

You know those self-doubts are dumb.

At first you can't seem to get a hold of those emotions

and the memories.

3 years

or

2 months

It doesn't matter.

It still sucks.

Chin up, buttercup.

5 Day Detox

Today begins a 5 day detox for me. I'm using the plan from Stay Sharp, Be Strong. I like it because it uses real food and not shakes, drinks, or a bunch of pills. Nothing wrong with any of that I suppose if it works for you. I know none of that works for me. Anyway, so here's Day 1's photo. I'll keep ya posted on how I like it and all that.

{Cleansing the soul}

You know, I think of something every single day to write about on here.

Something happens and I think, "Ohh, that'd be good for the blog."

Do I ever write about it?

It's the thought that counts, right?

Do you ever just look around your home, or your life, and think you need to just throw shit out?

Really, that's what it all is: shit.

I was sick for the entire month of January and it's really got me wanting to do a cleanse of the home.

I'm also moving at the end of July and that may be part of the reason I want to get rid of so much stuff.

How do we accumulate all this shit?

Yesterday I went through my closet again.

I've gone through my closet before.

I rarely throw out a lot of that shit because I think, "I may need that one day" or "I'll wear it again when I lose weight".

I was talking to a friend at work about those thoughts.

She's read a book about something very similar (that I'll be reading too as well) and we had a great conversation about it.

Yesterday, when I went through my closet again, I decided no more excuses.

I began with the shoes first since I knew that would be the hardest part for me.

Why?

It's stupid.

I have shoes I've never even worn before.

I have shoes I haven't worn in years.

I decided if my feet have never touched a pair of shoes, other than trying them on, they needed to go.

If I know I haven't worn a pair of shoes in years, they needed to go.

If I know I'll never wear those shoes again, they needed to go.

It was hard.

I have a pair of DSW boots I bought right before I sprained/fractures my ankle back in 2009. 

September 1, 2009 specifically is when the injury happened.

I never got to wear the boots before the injury.

I wore attempted to wear them twice.

I thought I was going to die because of the heal on my ankle just killed it.

Are they not beautiful?

I've had these for almost 3 1/2 years and only worn them twice.

I couldn't get rid of them each time I "cleaned" out my closet.

I finally did it though.

Even those beauties went in the "donate" pile.

Sure, I could try and sell them, maybe on eBay or Craigslist.

No.

That means they'll stay around longer and they may end up back in the closet, where they'll continue to make dust bunny babies.

The shoe pile.

It's a lot of shoes.

Too many shoes.

Boots I kept since I wear them all the time.
The white snow boots I don't wear as often but they're snow boots and I live in Colorado.
They get enough use to keep them around.

Everyday wear that made the cut.
There ARE two pairs of dressy shoes I decided to keep around despite not having worn them in years.

Seriously, it was heartbreaking.

I didn't think it would be as hard as it was to get rid of this stuff.

Stuff I never wear but have some inane attachment to anyway.

After the shoes, I went through my clothes as well.

Mostly, I got rid of clothes I have not worn and knew I never would wear.

For the rest of the stuff I wasn't sure about, I turned the hanger around.

If at the end of the season for those pieces, if I haven't worn them (because the hanger will still be turned around) then I'll get rid of those clothes as well.

At some point I'll do the same to my jeans and the clothes in my dresser.

My jeans get folded and placed at the top of the closet so I didn't go through those yesterday since I have to try them all on. 

Trying on clothes is a pain but that's another story I suppose.

The clothes in my dresser?

Well, that's mostly t-shirts I want to go through.

Do you go keep every significant t-shirt as well?

I do.

It's stupid.

I don't even wear half of those t-shirts yet I keep them for emotional attachments.

I'll never wear those shirts again and I get nothing from them by hiding them in a dresser drawer.

The only t-shirts I'm interested in keeping right now are the ones I got from all my 5k races last year.

That's about 13 shirts.

Surely, it's enough.

Especially since I use those shirts as workout shirts.

So, there's my cleansing the soul rant.

Sorry, I'm not sorry, it's so long.

I felt so much better yesterday after doing the closet cleanse.

On two small side notes (if you've even made it this far):

new guy is amazing and I decided to keep him

and

this happened:

Big smiles here.

{Being sick sucks}

Can you believe it?

I got sick again.

Which means my mom is on her way of getting sick again also.

I can honestly say it's been at least 10 years since I've been as sick as this.

I had the flu then.

I also got better and haven't had much more than a small cold or sinus infection since then.

I've been sick this entire month.

The first time with the flu-like symptoms and what felt like bronchitis.

This last time with a cold.

I hate it.

Today's the first day in a month I've woken up feeling like a normal human being.

It's entirely possible the new guy got me sick this second time since his roommates were sick also.

I don't know and it doesn't matter. I got sick again and it sucked.

My mom will be banned to her room all weekend while I disinfect it thoroughly.

While I haven't lost any weight since I last wrote about it, I also haven't gained any.

I weighed myself yesterday and I'm at 150 even.

I have been trying to eat mostly healthy since I've not been able to go to the gym.

Today's the first day I've even wanted to go to the gym.

Hopefully, there's not much snow out there.

Maybe I'll let my cleaning marathon today be my workout.

In fact, I think I'll wear my HRM while cleaning just to see. :)