Thoughts

There is change coming.  I'm hoping it's with Lockheed Martin; it does seem pretty solid and promising.  It would better enable me to help my parents out with my sister's custody battle.  For sure, I am getting out of the Air Force.  I'm most positive about that now.  It's not been a bad experience and  I would've reenlisted.  I think this is the right thing though.  Everything does seem to be falling into place.  The only thing I'm worried about with LM is the financial issues I've been having thanks to the transmission going out in the Volvo.  We'll see though.  If they do come back and say no then I'll go reserves and get a job, any job.  I have a plan, it just may not be the best.  I also will be moving into a cheaper apartment on the off chance they do say no to hiring me.  We shall see though.  I've got to get some moving boxes now and start packing my apartment.  That is going to suck big time.  It'll be worth it though and I'm pretty excited about it even though it'll mean a smaller place more than likely.  Change in the fall.  I like it.

I have been very grateful for everything, especially lately.  My life certainly has it's ups and downs, especially this last year and a half, but I am grateful for everything and everyone in it.  Even the transmission failure.  Things like that just truly do make you a stronger person I think.  Well, I guess it could go either way, but for me it has been good.

I try to be clean haha.  The apartment usually stays clean and the kitchen gets away from me every now and then. ;)  I try to take that into account with other aspects of my life as well.

I am at the very least true to myself.  If I'm not honest with myself, who else will be?

I try to be humble.

I have been prayerful in the last month.  I started going to church again.  It's still a little confusing in that I do believe in a higher power, I just don't know what or who that higher power is.  However, it's easier to follow my Catholic upbringing.


I also think that right now it's a good thing my love life is lacking.  I need to feel like I've gotten myself completely together again before I go there.  I don't feel whole.  Who wants to be in a relationship with that?  I don't.  I don't feel whole because of the financial issues and the changes taking place.  I don't feel solid yet. It's right there though, right on the edge of fulfillment.